Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
