porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Randomize
