Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
