I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
