im six kinds of drunk right now
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
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