So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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