I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
