Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
