bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
