ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
whose ass print is on the piano?
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
