2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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