the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
