He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
i just had sex bonerless
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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