Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
