I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
