i was rollin on her like bob the builder
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
