so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
