Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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