I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Randomize
