Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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