We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
try to milk me bitch
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
