And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
