You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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