ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Watching her eat just hurts me
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
