I can text with my tongue
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
