its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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