If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
