Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
