apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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