dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
