P.S. I can't hear my feet
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
