I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Randomize
