Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
