Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
