I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
