So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
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