I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
