So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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