FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
