Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
