We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
