I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
These tits shall not be calmed
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
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