You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
