pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
you never un-have a 4some
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
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