I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Randomize
