just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
