Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
