i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
honey bunches of taint.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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