i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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