You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
