Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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